


Three Red Flowers

by dreyars



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Blood, Established Relationship, M/M, Mentions of Character Death, no one actually dies, vague sexual content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-19
Updated: 2014-06-19
Packaged: 2018-02-05 06:05:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1808101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreyars/pseuds/dreyars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nightmares of blood and shiny knives begin to overtake Kuroo’s mind.  They make him sick and angry, questioning why on Earth his subconscious would ever produce such gruesome images.  He never wanted to hurt Kei.  He never imagined it could be this way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Red Flowers

It started with a flower.  Red, blooming right before his very eyes.  Set against a sky blue backdrop and presented before him like nothing he had ever seen before.

_Red._

It was so red. It began to flow gently across the sky, overflowing, rushing out from the center.

_Beautiful._

The petals slowly dropped one by one onto the snowy expanse below the sky.  Soon a puddle of petals lay all around, decorating the once unblemished stretch of white.

_Sticky…_

_And wet?_

When Kuroo touched the flower, it stained.  He realized that it was on both of his hands; the left which had just attempted to pluck a petal from the center of the blossom and the right that held a wicked knife that was colored a much deeper and darker red than the one shading the blue sky.

_But was it really the sky?_

Kuroo was confused.  If it was the sky, why was it laying on the ground?  They said the sky met the snow only on the tops of mountains, yet he clearly remembered that he was in a valley, surrounded by trees, green leaves rustling in the midnight breeze. There shouldn’t be snow on the ground anyways.  The only thing that was cold was the glint of the summer moon shining off of the blade in his grasp.

_Warm._

As he reached for the flower again, warmth pooled around his fingers, settling in the middle of the blue sky.  The sky shuddered and shifted slightly under his touch, and the flower suddenly began to blossom from the middle of the snow.

_Blood._

So much blood. Pouring from the wound in the poor man’s chest, staining his silken blue clothes.  It colored in his white lips as it poured down the side of his face to gather on the ground, circling his blond head like a macabre halo.  The golden eyes that were normally so vibrant grew muddy; unfocused as they fluttered closed.

He tried to fight it.  He coughed, and the petals landed on Kuroo’s clothes, hidden against the dark black fabric.  Kuroo felt his mouth turn upwards in a smirk when the man lying below him finally went limp.

The flower stopped blooming, the now dark red sky plastered to the man’s thin frame.  Small petals still dripped from his lips and nose, the side of his face pressed into the dirt.

Kuroo reached to the man’s face, turning it so that his features were finally illuminated in the moonlight.  He stumbled backwards, nearly falling over as he grasped at his heart, covering his mouth to stifle a scream.

Scrambling forward on his hands and knees, Kuroo pulled the man’s head into his lap, brushing his hair off of his forehead and the blood off of his face.

He let out a quiet moan and tried not to whimper as the man’s name fell from his lips.

“Kei.”

\---

Kuroo shot up, head bumping into the lamp placed above his bed.  He cursed, leaning over to the window and opening it, letting the cool night air waft over his sweaty skin.  He sat with his head in his hands until he felt something grip his arm and try to pull it away from his face.

He looked up, seeing Tsukishima lying in bed next to him.  His glasses still sat on the nightstand, and he squinted at him through the dark.  Kuroo was sure he had been asleep.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” His voice was raspy, a combination of waking from a deep sleep and their activities from earlier in the night.  It had been perfect, and he had planned the perfect morning of waking up next to his disheveled boyfriend for the first time, had it not been for that dream.

But was it really a dream?  It had seemed so real.  They knife, the blood, the gravel digging into his knees as he kneeled in the dirt next to Tsukishima’s lifeless body.

Kuroo felt a shiver run through him, rubbing one of his knees as he patted Tsukishima on the head with his other hand.  He sent him one of his signature smirks as he looked down at the boy with his face still pressed against his pillow.

“Nothing to worry about, Tsuki! I just remembered I had a paper due on Monday, and involuntarily tried to shoot out of bed.  But then I remembered it was still Saturday and I had a whole other day –“

Tsukishima frowned and held a hand to Kuroo’s face, trying to instruct him to stop talking. “Water.”

Kuroo sighed and mussed Tsuki’s hair before crawling over him and to the floor.  He quickly grabbed a lump of cloth, hoping they were his shorts and not his skinny companion’s, and pulled them over his bare hips before shuffling off to the kitchen to find his younger boyfriend a glass of water.

Yawning loudly as he flicked on the lights, Kuroo walked to the sink and reached in to grab the cup he had seen Tsukishima using earlier that night.  He let out a hiss when he felt something sharp nick his finger, and quickly pulled his hand back.  The cut wasn’t deep, but a tiny bead of blood bubbled and dripped down his hand as he pushed everything else to the side to grab the knife that had cut him.  Holding it close to his face, he inspected the line of blood coating the point.  He felt his chest clench up as he dropped the blade to the floor, quickly nudging it under the refrigerator with his toes.

Kei would question him when he found it there a week later.

Kuroo would never admit the reason there was a bloody knife under the fridge.  He’d never own the fact that he had just had a dream, no a nightmare, in which he had killed his boyfriend.

A dream where he had let Kei’s warm blood run over his fingers onto the cold ground and then smiled about it.

A complete nightmare where he had been the one to take the life of one of the few people who had any meaning to him.

Kuroo felt a scream rise in his throat, suddenly finding it hard to breathe as he paced the small area between the fridge and the sink.  He ran his hands through his hair and tried to calm down.  Why would he dream that? Sure the kid irritated him sometimes, but he had never felt anything but admiration and love for him since they started dating a few months ago.

They had known each other for about three years now.  Kuroo was in his second year at university, and Tsukishima was finishing up his last year at Karasuno.  Very rarely had they seen each other after Kuroo graduated from high school, and only when he felt the need to grace the Nekoma volleyball team with his presence during one of their joint training camps.  On the few occasions they corresponded by phone, it was Tsukishima who initiated the conversations, asking questions about volleyball after he finally had a spark lit under him to actually try.

Kuroo was really surprised when he found Tsukishima in the administration building of his university at the beginning of his second year.  Tsukishima had just finished an interview with one of the upper level faculty members, and indicated that he was going to explore the campus on his own before Kuroo volunteered his services as unofficial tour guide.  He remembered that the highschooler had never actually accepted his offer before he began pulling him to every edge of campus, through the library, dining hall, and finally down the street to his favorite restaurant where he bought Kei a cup of tea and a slice of strawberry shortcake.

None of his friends from Nekoma, not even Kenma, had chosen to attend the same university as him, and it took him all day to realize that the bubbly feeling in his stomach was actual excitement at having the prospect of an old acquaintance going to the same school as him.  He smirked and watched as Tsukishima savored the cake on the plate in front of him, licking whipped cream off the back of his fork.  Tsuki had glared at him and called him stupid for staring, but the pink blush that fell across his nose was the cutest thing Kuroo had ever seen.  He offered his couch for the night, knowing that if he left now, it would be after midnight before Tsukishima returned home.

It was the first night Tsukishima had ever spent at Kuroo’s apartment.  It was the only time he slept on the couch, clothed in some spare clothes that Kuroo had lent him.  They didn’t fit well; Tsuki may still be taller than him, but he had never caught up when it came to muscle tone.

Kuroo grabbed the glass out of the sink, rinsing off his bloody finger before filling the cup with water.  When he returned to his bedroom, he noticed that his boyfriend had already fallen asleep again, so he set the glass down and carefully crawled over Tsukishima as he settled back under the covers.

Tsukishima still slept the same way he did when he first spent the night with Kuroo; flat on his belly, one arm above his head and one hand braced next to his face.  His head was turned towards Kuroo, mouth slightly open as he snored quietly.  He was a pretty heavy sleeper; Kuroo had probably kicked him earlier in his panic.  His skin was still bare as Kuroo began tracing patterns onto the fair skin of his back before flattening his palm over Kei’s left shoulder blade.

It was there, as he knew it would be, but feeling the steady pulse of Kei’s heart underneath his fingers calmed him as he scooted closer to his sleeping partner.  He saw his eyelashes flutter slightly as he shifted, Tsukishima sliding his arm away from his face automatically so Kuroo could fit against him.  He could feel Kei’s soft breath on his face as he pressed their foreheads together, trying to relax enough to fall asleep again.

Kuroo could feel the beating of his heart, the small puffs of air on his face, and the warmth of his skin beneath his fingers, yet when Tsukishima awoke the next morning, he was met with bleary eyes that had not been able to slip closed.

\---

Tsukishima left that afternoon after a call from his mother.  Kuroo went with him to train station where Tsukishima allowed a chaste kiss before boarding the train.  Kuroo sighed and began the walk back to his apartment, taking the long way so he could stop and pick up food for dinner.

He was tired. So very, very tired.

Kuroo couldn’t remember the last time he couldn’t sleep.  Normally, it was so easy for him to slip in and out of dream land that he often didn’t remember trying to fall asleep at all.  But every time he closed his eyes after that dream, all he could see was red.

Red on his hands.  Red marring Kei’s unblemished skin and coating his clothes.  Red bubbling up between his lips as he gasped for air in a futile attempt to keep living.

Kuroo was going to be sick.

He dropped the food containers inside his doorway when he got home, quickly stripping himself of his clothes as he stepped into the bathroom and running the coldest possible shower.  He rubbed soap into his skin, Kei’s soap, the kind he left here in case he ever needed to shower while visiting for the day, trying to surround himself with the scent he so closely associated with his boyfriend.

He could feel it. Dripping off his fingers, running down the drain with the soapy water washing off his skin.

It was thick and sticky. Still warm.  If he brought it to his lips he was sure he would taste the coppery flavor of blood.

Kei’s blood.

Kuroo felt like screaming again as he quickly switched the water from cold to scalding hot.  He could feel it burning his skin and could see it turning red as he tried to burn away the troubling memories of that awful dream.

“At least,” he thought as he finally stepped out of the shower, staring at his flushed skin in the fogged mirror. “At least this red means that this is what’s real.”

\---

As he ate his dinner that he was forced to reheat in the microwave after leaving it on the floor for an hour, Kuroo began to reminisce over things that had occurred prior to his nightmare.

He remembered that it had all started with a flower. Red, blooming right before his very eyes.  He held it up to Tsukishima, pressing it into his hands at the beginning of their first date.  Kuroo had invited him out on a Saturday, and they agreed to meet halfway between Tokyo and Miyagi so that neither of them had to travel too far.  Kei had blushed, trying to make sure that he understood that the only reason he agreed to go on a date with Kuroo was because he had nothing else to do that Saturday.  That there had been a practice match the day before and he decided to forgo practice. And that Yamaguchi was busy; his mother needed him to help clean the house.

Kuroo smirked in understanding, nodding as he slid the flower into Tsuki’s pocket.  He tried to grab the other boy’s hand, but Tsuki slapped his effort away, intent on trying to keep up the façade that he didn’t really want to be here.  Kuroo settled with a hand on the younger’s lower back, guiding him through the Saturday morning crowd in the small town they had picked to meet.

They ate lunch at a small café and walked around a park for a few hours.  Kuroo offered to pay for a movie at the runty theatre in the center of town, but Tsukishima brushed him off, indicating that he had already seen everything there was to see.  They sat on a park bench for an hour, talking about what Tsuki wanted to do when he went to college and what it was like going to Kuroo’s university.  Kuroo admired the way the setting sun framed his face, the oranges and pinks complimenting his light complexion and fair hair.

They parted soon after at the train station.  Kei had let him kiss him on the cheek, before muttering something about him being an idiot and taking his leave.

Kuroo called him when he arrived back at his apartment, inquiring as to whether or not Kei had enjoyed himself.  He denied over and over again that he had had a good time, getting flustered when he realized that he had fallen into Kuroo’s teasing.  Kuroo remembered that he could practically hear the blush in the younger boy’s voice as he stuttered over his words.  Kuroo thought it was cute and he told him so.

Kuroo called Tsukishima back immediately when he hung up.

Despite being riled up at Kuroo’s taunting, he didn’t hesitate as he agreed to go on a second date the next weekend.

They carried on in this fashion for six months.  Traveling to unfamiliar towns to meet each other, occasionally making the trek all the way to the other’s home town.  Kuroo wasn’t exactly sure when they had agreed to call themselves a couple, but he remembered telling Kei that he loved him while they were eating dinner at a fancy restaurant in Tokyo one night.  Kei choked on the pasta that he was eating, and Kuroo reached over to pat him on the back.  Kei was upset that he had said it so calmly, in between bites, with no discernable change in his expression. Kuroo laughed and said it again, watching as the other’s face burned, even his ears turning red.  Kei looked down at the table and muttered something, clearly embarrassed that such a confession was happening in the middle of a crowded restaurant. Kuroo recalls lifting his face with a finger, asking him to repeat himself in his ‘big boy voice’.  Tsukishima drew the attention of the nearby tables as he very nearly shouted that he loved Kuroo as well.

That had been a month prior.  Kei had tried to work his way into Kuroo’s bed that night, but Kuroo made him wait, knowing that his sudden desire for intimacy was mostly due to his admission of love.

The month in between then and now had been hectic.  A combination of Kei’s volleyball matches and a murderous list of projects, papers, and tests on Kuroo’s schedule kept the two apart.  They were only able to meet in person once, and only for a few hours before Kuroo admitted he was stalling on writing an important term paper.  They were only able to communicate by phone calls once every other day, but each call now ended with a muttered “I love you” from Kei and a happy, laughed “I love you!” from Kuroo.

Yesterday had been the first time he had seen Tsukishima in person in about two or three weeks.  It was also the first night Tsukishima had spent at his apartment since he slept on Kuroo’s couch.  Every time they had met in Tokyo prior to this night, Kei always left in enough time to catch the last train back to Miyagi.  They hadn’t been planning it, it was just one of those things that happened when you deny yourself too long of the person you love.

Kuroo had tried to determine whose will had broken first; if he had succumbed to Kei’s desire or his own.  He realized it didn’t really matter as he rocked forward, letting out a gasp and catching Kei’s open mouth in a searing kiss. 

Kei was glowing, pale skin bathed in the light from the streetlamp outside.  Kuroo vaguely recollects thinking that he ought to close his blinds. That this was a sight for him only.  No one but him would ever see the way Kei writhed on the bed beneath him, back arching so gracefully off the mattress and mouth rounded in a silent scream. His eyes, for once not blocked by his glasses, were screwed shut as he called Kuroo’s given name, body finally relaxing once Kuroo removed himself and laid next to him on the bed.  His eyes stayed closed as he tried to control his breathing, Kuroo watching him as his own eyelids got heavier.  Kei’s fair skin was flushed and shiny with sweat, his chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. He looked relaxed in a way Kuroo had never seen him before, and he was sure that he had fallen asleep when Kei turned his head to him and opened his eyes.  He didn’t smile at him, but Kuroo didn’t really expect him to. Kuroo just leaned down and kissed him softly, running a hand through the curled hair at the base of his neck before grabbing the t-shirt he had been wearing and cleaning the mess they had made off of their bodies.

He remembered pulling Kei to his chest when he laid back down, the perpetually grumpy teenager grumbling about it being too hot before settling in and draping his arms over Kuroo in turn.  They had fallen asleep quickly.

Kuroo had no idea how long they had been asleep when he violently woke the both of them up after his dream.

\---

That night, as Kuroo laid in his bed alone, he contemplated the situation. He was almost scared to go to sleep, afraid that once again he’d see that dream.  He hated not having Kei next to him.  He had never really been needy in their relationship and both of them were level headed enough to maintain it despite the distance, but he felt a strong desire to be with him now as he sat silently in the dark.

If he was here, at least Kuroo would know that he was okay.

He decided against calling him.  It was already late, and he’d just end up listening to Kei complain about being woken up for five minutes before hearing the line cut off.

Around 3 am, Kuroo finally decided he was being stupid.  It was just a dream after all.  No matter how real it felt, no matter how vivid the memory was when he closed his eyes, it was just a dream. He needed to sleep. So, he rolled onto his side and pressed his nose into the pillow he let his boyfriend use the night before.  Despite his worries, he easily fell asleep and drifted away into a field of gray.

\---

For three more nights, Kuroo was given a respite from another dream.  He had talked to Kei over the phone each of those three days for a few minutes at a time, agreeing that they would meet again Friday at the train station near Kuroo’s house.

By the fourth night, he had nearly forgotten about the dream that had caused him so much distress.  Sometimes it would hit him out of nowhere, and he would need to recede into himself for a few minutes until it passed, but other than that, nothing.  His last thought before his head hit the pillow was that he hoped Tsukishima would wear that dark blue button up on Friday that contrasted his skin so nicely.

\---

The handle was cold as he pulled the blade out from its sheath.  It was sharp, so sharp as it glinted wickedly in the summer moonlight.  He touched the edge of the blade to his tongue lightly, and immediately tasted the coppery twang of his own blood tinting his mouth.  Kuroo smirked as he wiped the blade on his dark sleeve, tucking it away so that the unsuspecting man he had been following would not notice its sinful sheen as he approached.

Why the man was traveling alone, he would never know.  He wouldn’t even bother to ask.  The man’s clothes were a tell-tale giveaway that he was not of plain birth, his light blue clothes much too clean and well-fitted to be of the peasant population that flooded the area.  It mattered not.  He was foolish enough to be traveling alone with no visible weaponry.  If he didn’t want to get attacked and his corpse looted, he would have worn plainer clothes.

Kuroo had been following the man since before the sun went down.  The moon was bright enough to illuminate the worn trail, and the man had continued walking well into the night.  He settled down deep in the woods in a small alcove that someone else had clearly made camp in before.  As the man started collecting branches to start a small fire, Kuroo approached him from behind.  He grabbed the man by the throat, choking him as he pressed his chest into the man’s back.  He slid the blade out of his sleeve and quickly plunged it right into the man’s chest, forcing it in as far as it would go.  He held it there as the man scratched at his arms, clawing at his skin as he choked.  When the man’s arms started to go limp and weak, Kuroo let him fall to his back on the ground.

He kneeled over him, intending to begin searching the man’s pockets for valuables.  He felt something grasp at his sleeve, pulling his attention back to the man’s face.

“Tetsurou…just kill me.”

Kei’s voice was raspy and thick, muddled by the blood that garbled his speech.

He tried to shake his head no. No, there was no way he was going to do that.  He was going to find something to pack the wound and they were going to the hospital, but he couldn’t.

His body was now moving of its own volition as Kuroo felt himself draw the knife out of Kei’s chest.  It was drenched in the boy’s warm blood, coating his fingers as his arm brought the knife to Kei’s neck.

Kuroo wished he could scream as he watched his own hand draw a red line through his boyfriend’s snow white skin.

\---

His wish was granted as he woke screaming.  Kuroo could feel his body shaking, his heart thundering in his chest.  He was so tense, his muscles coiled up and ready to pounce at the first opportunity. He needed to move. Needed to go.

Kuroo got out of bed and began pacing his room in the dark.  He kicked things out of the way, trying to restrain himself from ripping something off the wall and breaking it.  He shouted again and punched his closet door, hearing it crack when it splintered under his fist.  He dropped to the floor and grabbed a pillow off of his bed, shoving his face into it and screaming until he went hoarse.  When he peeled the pillow off his face, he noticed it was wet.

He hadn’t noticed that he was crying.

Kuroo quickly rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, throwing the pillow out of arms reach as he stood up and switched on the light.  The clock on the night-stand said it was 13 minutes until four am, six whole hours before he had to be in class that day.  Running his hands through his hair, Kuroo groaned, knowing he was going to be tired during the lecture if he didn’t at least try to go back to sleep.

But he couldn’t. Not after that.

Kuroo dragged his feet as he walked to his bathroom.  He was thankful that he lived by himself.  Even if his neighbors heard him screaming, they likely would not mention it unless he brought it up himself.  He was probably going to have to pay for that closet door though.  He noticed that the door had scraped up his knuckles, so he poured peroxide over the cuts before wrapping it in gauze and heading to the kitchen.

Kuroo sat at his kitchen table with his head in his hands.  The dream was so real.  He could feel the cold knife in his grasp as he flexed his hand open and close.  He could feel Kei’s nails scratching at his arms and hear his voice, thick with blood, telling Kuroo to kill him.

Before these dreams, he could never remember exactly what occurred in the visions that played while he was deep asleep.  But these felt as if they were from another time and place completely, not a product of his own twisted imagination.

He could remember every step he took, what the dirt felt like when it was muddy and red, the texture of the clothes Kei had been wearing.  It had a déjà vu quality to it, almost as if he had lived it before.

Kuroo knew the next time he saw Tsukishima, he would know something was wrong.  But how do you tell your boyfriend that you dreamed of killing him?

\---

The third dream was not as vibrant as the rest.  It was Thursday night.  Kuroo knew that Tsukishima would be with him tomorrow once he finished practice.  He tried to fall asleep with that on his mind.

The dream was muddled, foggy and in black and white.  The only color he could see was that god-awful red blossoming from the wound on Kei’s chest and the gash on his throat.  Kuroo pressed his hands against the two holes, trying to stymie the blood quickly flowing through his fingers.  He fit his mouth over Kei’s, trying to force oxygen into his system. The blood in his mouth tasted like iron this time, and he could feel his eyes start to burn as he watched the light in his lover’s eyes burn out.  This time Tsukishima’s eyes didn’t close.  They were left open as Kuroo felt a sob bubble up out of his throat, staring at Kuroo with unspoken accusation.

\---

Kuroo tried to carry on like normal.  The nightmare woke him only 30 minutes before he was planning on waking up, but he still felt exhausted.  His entire body felt heavy, and he could only drag his feet as he walked to his morning classes.  He tried to see the brighter side of things, knowing that Tsuki would be arriving around 6 o’clock that afternoon.  He tried to push the dream out of his mind, but it was damn near impossible.

He had a break in between his morning and afternoon classes, so he pulled out his history book and grabbed a cup of coffee from the dining hall before settling in a secluded corner.  He didn’t often study out of his textbooks, they couldn’t keep his attention long enough to do much more than skim over the important terms, but he needed something to occupy his mind while waiting for his next class to start.  As Kuroo tried to flip open the book to the correct page, he accidently knocks it off the table.  It flopped open to a page from a chapter his class hadn’t started on yet. He was about to turn to the right page but stalled as he noticed a small picture in the corner of the left page.

It was a drawing of a knife.  A knife that looked exactly like the one from his dream. 

Kuroo felt his eyes go wide as he stared at the page in front of him.  He read the caption of the image and discovered it was a knife often used by murders, thieves and highwaymen because it was easily sharpened and easily hid.  It was from over 200 years ago.

Kuroo wracked his brain trying to remember where he could have seen a blade like that before. A museum maybe? Or it could have been in one of the display cases that littered the hallways of the history building.  He read the rest of the chapter before heading to class, but discovered nothing else worth knowing.

He asked his history professor about the knife after class was over.  After being scolded for reading so far ahead instead of doing the assigned work, Kuroo’s heart sank after listening to what his professor had to say.

“There are literally no knives like this left in existence.  That drawing was found in a thief’s hoard with instructions on how to craft a new one.  There is absolutely no way that you could have seen one like this before.  Every single one that has been found was so rusted and dilapidated that no museum would have one.  You may have seen something more along the lines of one in the hallway case outside.  Maybe you should try there.”

At that, the professor ushered Kuroo out of the room before closing the door behind him.  He quickly inspected all the knives in the glass case before shaking his head and moving on to his next class.

It wasn’t there.

The one from his dream was the one in his book on a page he had never glanced at before today.

He could not fathom how his mind could imagine an object he’s never seen before.

 ---

Kuroo returned to his apartment, leaving his bag on the kitchen table, before walking to the train station to meet Tsuki.  He left the history book opened to the page with the knife on the table as well.  Maybe Tsuki would recognize it.

He reached the train station about 20 minutes before Tsukishima’s train was scheduled to roll in.  He was too anxious to sit down even though he was tired, so he stood near the platform, nervously shifting from one foot to another.  He hated this.  He hated feeling anxious and nervous and simply not like himself.  He was normally so laid back and collected, but watching your loved one die on three separate occasions and knowing that it was a product of your own subconscious does things to people.

Kuroo sighed and slid his hands into his pockets, leaning against a support column as he looked down the tracks in the direction he knew Tsukishima’s train would come from.  His lips curled into a small smile when the train pulled to a stop and the doors slid open.  He pushed himself off the column, wrapping Tsukishima in a hug as he pressed a kiss to the side of his neck.  Kuroo smiled wider as he felt Kei’s pulse against his lips, finally letting go as the younger of the two started grumbling about people staring.

They walked together hand in hand to Kuroo’s apartment.  Kuroo was slightly surprised that Kei was actually indulging him, usually the ever so strict enforcer of the no PDA rule, but didn’t question it as he rubbed his thumb across the back of Kei’s hand.

They didn’t talk much as they made dinner.  Tsukishima questioned Kuroo as to where the knife that he used to chop vegetables the week before had gone.  Kuroo just shrugged and pulled a different, duller knife from a drawer and handed it to him.

Sitting in silence, they ate.  Kuroo watched Tsuki place bite after bite in his mouth, still not one to eat very much.  He noticed his eyes were darker than normal, as was the skin sitting directly underneath them.

“You look tired,” Kuroo pointed out, gesturing to the bags under Tsukishima’s eyes.

“Yeah, and your hair looks worse than it normally does,” Kei snapped back, removing his glasses and rubbing them on his shirt.

Kuroo ignored his tone, and tried to pat one of his unruly patches back into something similar to order.  “Did you not sleep well last night?  Too excited to see me I bet~.”

Kei scoffed at his teasing before replacing his glasses.  “I can assure you that the reason I haven’t been sleeping is not because I was excited to see you.”

“Ha, I knew you were excited.” Kuroo reached over and tried to pinch Kei’s cheek, but his hand was slapped away.  He sat back straight and took another bite of food, before questioning further.  “Why haven’t you been sleeping?”

Kei mumbled something, and Kuroo kicked him under the table, trying to indicate that he should raise his voice.  “I’ve been having these really weird dreams, okay?”

“Really? What kind of dreams?” Kuroo leaned forward again, elbows on the table and hands under his chin.

“I don’t know, just dreams, okay?” Kuroo continued to stare at him without saying a word.  He watched Kei squirm in his seat before the younger boy continued.  “I guess, I keep dying.  I don’t know it’s weird.  I’ve never actually died in dreams before, but these are weird.  It feels like I’ve lived it before, and I don’t really understand.”

Kuroo pulled a breath in through his nose and reached under the table where Kei had thrown his book bag and textbooks when they sat down.  He grabbed his history textbook and opened it to the page he wanted.  He pushed Kei’s plate to the side, and slid the book across the table so that he could look at it.

“Do you recognize that?” Kuroo pointed at the knife and watched as Kei’s eyes went wide.  The blond grabbed the book off the table and quickly read the whole page before slamming it back down and staring at Kuroo with a questioning look in his eyes.  “You do. It was me wasn’t it?”

“W-what do you mean?” Kei stuttered and flushed.

Kuroo let out a sigh, and reached over to grab Kei’s hand. He felt him twitch but he didn’t pull away, so Kuroo continued. “Your dream, the one you died in.  It was me.  I did it. With this.” Kuroo pointed down at the open textbook. “You can tell me.”

He could tell that Tsukishima was upset from the way the younger boy pulled his lower lip into his mouth.  Kuroo saw him nod slightly before mentioning that he wasn’t hungry anymore.  Kuroo got up, pulling Kei along with him to the living room.  They sat on the couch in silence for a few minutes, legs propped on the coffee table and hands intertwined between them.

“I haven’t been sleeping well either, ya know.” Kuroo spoke without looking at his boyfriend, eyes fixed on the clock ticking away on the wall.

“Bad dreams?”

“Yeah.”

They returned to silence, neither really knowing what to say.  Kuroo just rubbed the inside of Kei’s palm with his thumb, wanting to continue the conversation, yet not sure how to start.

“Was it at night?” Kei was the first to speak, startling Kuroo out of his own thoughts.

“Yeah, in a forest.” Kuroo sighed and adjusted how he was sitting, trying to press closer to Tsukishima.  “You were wearing blue.”

“Was that why you kicked me last weekend?”

Kuroo laughed grimly before nodding in confirmation.  “It was so real.  I got scared.”

“Yeah.”

“Mm-hmm.”

Kuroo heard Kei sigh.  “You snuck up behind me.”

“And stabbed you right here.” Kuroo turned towards him, and placed a hand over the left side of his chest. “And here.” He moved the hand up and slid a finger over Kei’s throat.  He felt Kei shiver underneath his touch and shrink away.

“I died before I woke up. But I never woke up until I realized it was you.”

Kuroo heard a small shake in his boyfriend’s voice and reached over to pull him into a hug.  Tsukishima resisted at first, but then fell into Kuroo’s arms, pressing his face into Kuroo’s neck.   Kuroo kissed the top of his head and rubbed his back.  “I know.  Once I realized it was you before I did it, but I couldn’t stop myself.  It’s like I was remembering something from a past life or something.”

“What a shitty past life.” Kuroo felt Tsukishima mumble into his neck, but could clearly hear him.

“Seems like it was a lot more shitty for you than it was for me.”  Kuroo pulled Tsuki off of him, looking him in the eyes as spoke again. “How many?”

Kei looked confused at first, before realization shone through and he answered.  “Three.”

“When?”

“When I was with you last weekend, then again on Wednesday and Thursday.  ‘S why I didn’t sleep last night.”

“It was the same for me.”

Kei nodded and looked down at his hands.  He looked so tired, paler than normal.  The bags under his eyes looked like bruises.

“Some religions believe in reincarnation, you know.  Maybe we did meet in a past life and it didn’t turn out so well,” Kuroo said as he tried to get Kei to look at him again.  “Maybe you were a rich kid traveling alone and I was a bad man taking advantage of people walking through the woods at night.  We’ll never know for sure, but, for now, we should just forget about it. Okay?”  Kuroo ran a hand through Kei’s messy hair and smiled at him as he lifted his head. Kei nodded, and reached forward, pulling Kuroo into another hug.

They sat on the couch wrapped around each other until the street lamps began clicking on outside.  Kuroo could hear Kei snoring against his neck, and gently disentangled himself so he could get up.  He laid Tsuki down on his side and put a pillow underneath his head, the damn kid was way too heavy to be carried all the way to his bedroom.  Kuroo stretched and moved into the kitchen, groaning as he saw their forgotten dinner on the table.  He closed the textbook still open to the page with the knife, and stashed it away in his book bag before storing the leftover food in the refrigerator.  When he turns back around, he sees Kei standing in the dark doorway between the kitchen and living room.

He looked groggy and upset.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”  Kuroo walked over and placed his hands on his shoulders.  Standing so close, he realized how much Kei had grown since they first met. He almost had to look up to stare directly into his eyes.

“You left me.”

“You fell asleep, and I just went to the kitchen to clean up-“

“You should’ve woken me up.”

Kuroo nodded and decided not to push the case any further.  They were both stubborn, but Kuroo didn’t want to start a fight over something so trivial.  He just apologized and led Kei back to his bedroom so they could change and go to bed.

After changing, they crawled under the covers of Kuroo’s bed, Tsuki setting his glasses on the nightstand.  It was almost too small to fit two men of their size, but after they squished together, arms and legs twisted around one another and Kei’s head under Kuroo’s chin, they found it to be comfortably close.

Kuroo kissed the top of Kei’s head, hands running up and down his sides as he listened to the other boy slowly fall asleep.  When he finally heard Kei’s breathing level out, Kuroo finally let himself relax.  It was nice, having him here like this.  He never would have imagined himself to be one to enjoy snuggling and cuddling and falling asleep next to someone in such a way, but with Kei, Kuroo thought that it almost felt natural. As if they were supposed to meet.  Almost as if it was some sort of weird fate bullshit that they were supposed to cross paths in this life. And maybe even in previous or future ones.

Kuroo smiled, squeezing his boyfriend closer one last time before he joined him in sleep.

\---

It was dark.  The moon was shining through the trees, allowing speckled bits of light to fall on the packed down dirt.  He was there again, just as he had been the three times prior.  The moonlight was falling on his head, his hair seemed to glow white against the darkness that surrounded him.

It was fitting, Kuroo thought.  That’s how Kei was in his life now.  No matter how bad his attitude could be, and how badly his moods could drive Kuroo up the wall, his mere presence was a spark of light in the darkness of everyday monotony.

Kuroo knew he wouldn’t be able to stop himself, nor would he be able to wake up from the dream until it was over.  He gave up trying to dig his heels into the ground as his legs carried him forward to the unsuspecting man that looked so much like Kei.

But it wasn’t really him.

It couldn’t be.

And this hand, the one holding a knife against the man who looked like Kei, this hand wasn’t his.  It looked like his, and it felt like his, but it wasn’t his.  This body wasn’t his.

Kuroo watched the man who looked like him and the man who looked like Kei struggle against each other, the scene playing out exactly as he remembered.  The man who looked like him plunged the blade into the man who looked like Kei’s chest. They dropped to the ground, and the blond man asked the dark-haired man to kill him quickly. And he did.

The blood blossomed the same way, just like a red flower, and pooled around him like a make-shift bed.  A bed of blood and dirt and leaves and blood.

This man wasn’t Kei.

He had stubble on his cheeks and rough hands.  He wore no glasses and his clothes were old, of a different time period completely.

Kuroo wasn’t that other man.

His hair was longer, though still as messy, and he had a scar running down the left side of his face.  His clothes were dirty, just as old as the man’s who was lying on the ground, and he was missing two of the fingers on his right hand.

Maybe Kuroo was this man in another life; he was too confused to be sure.

As the man gathered up the belongings of the person he had just killed, he began walking towards Kuroo.  He walked right through him, continuing on the forest path away from the alcove and into the dark.

Just like that, everything shattered.  The forest fell into pieces.  The man who looked like Kei dissolved into ash before blowing away.

It was just Kuroo.

Then, nothing.

\---

Kuroo awoke with sunlight shining in his eyes.  He could feel hands running down the side of his face and he grumbled before turning over and covering his head with a sheet.

“Tetsurou.”

Kuroo groaned and threw an arm over his eyes when the sheet was immediately yanked away.  He felt an arm snake around his waist and warm lips at his throat.  Kei already had his glasses on and the cold glass bumped against Kuroo’s chin.  He heard the blond mumble something before continuing to place small kisses around Kuroo’s jaw.

“What was that, princess?”

He felt a pinch on his side and he removed the arm from his eyes, looking down at the boy who was running a hand up and down his stomach.

“I said you need to shave.” Kei slid a hand around his jaw and down his neck, scratching over the little bit of dark stubble that was there.  “Old man.”

Kuroo laughed and ruffled Kei’s hair before planting a sloppy kiss on his mouth.  “Do I have to start making you call me ‘senpai’ again?”

Kei clicked his tongue and rolled away.  “You were _never_ my senpai.”

Kuroo rolled on top of him and kissed him, sliding a tongue between his lips.  He smiled against Kei’s mouth.

It didn’t taste like blood.

Kei could hear Kuroo snickering above him and pushed him off, forcing both of them to sit up.

“What the hell are you laughing about?”

“Nothing, nothing~,” Kuroo smiled at him and patted his thigh.  That smile quickly fell from his face when he remembered that he had had another dream.  Kei saw the change in his boyfriend’s expression and scooted closer, sitting between Kuroo’s legs.

“I had another dream too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Kei took his glasses off and rubbed his eyes before replacing them.  “It was different though.”

“It didn’t feel the same.” Kei nodded and looked up at Kuroo.  “It wasn’t as scary knowing that I haven’t been dreaming about killing you all this time.  It was just a past me killing a past you.”

Kei flushed and punched his shoulder.  “Like that makes it any better, idiot.”

“It kind of does.” Kuroo was looking out the window next to his bed, watching a few morning birds fly across the blue sky. He could feel Kei’s eyes on him, and knew he probably had a cranky look on his face.  “It just means we were meant to meet again.  Maybe, if I hadn’t been a criminal in that past life, we could’ve been together then too.”  Kuroo looked back at him and laced their fingers together.  “But there’s not really any point in thinking about it too hard.  What happened then isn’t what’s happening now.  We may get a little rough sometimes, but I promise to never hurt you.”

Kei got that slight little pink blush on the bridge of his nose, the one that Kuroo loved to see so much.  “I mean it.  It doesn’t matter what may or may not have happened in the past, but those men weren’t us.  We are only who we are today.” Kuroo let go of his hands and grabbed Kei’s face, pulling him in for a sweet, closed mouth kiss.

“I love you, Kei.”

Kei shifted and got even redder, blood racing to his face and ears. For once, not stuttering over the words, he replied “I love you too, Tetsurou.”

Kuroo’s smile widened as he pushed Kei back on to the bed, laying over him and kissing him gently before moving his mouth to Kei’s shoulder. 

He sucked and kissed the skin there, watching it flush and fill with color.

It started with a flower shaped mark.  It was red, filling Kei’s snow white skin as he pulled his mouth away.  Red can mean death when it’s spilling from beneath your fingers.  But Kuroo realized red also represents love and life as he watched it spread every time he touched Kei’s body.

Red was warm. Beautiful. Alive.

And it suited Kei perfectly.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a gift for my dearest Lia (animefan106 on Tumblr). We have been rotting together for the past week or two over the gloriousness that is Kuroo Tetsurou. Her request was based off of the following prompt with special requests for angst and hugs.  
> “Imagine Person A of your OTP keep on having these vivid dreams (memories from past life?) where they killed Person B, whom they’re currently in love with. They try to pretend it’s nothing but it keeps coming back every night and they’re too afraid to tell Person B what’s wrong. “(Original Prompt from otpprompts on Tumblr~)  
> I hope I was able to deliver well enough on that.  
> I had a lot of fun writing this, despite the content, and I hope it made you cry, Lia!


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